Inner Circle

Posted: 2618 days ago in Sex & Relationships

boysHave you ever seen the posts where childhood pictures are recaptured in what seems like the same place, with the same people, in the same clothes?

They’re pretty neat.

I especially love the ones where there is a group of friends, re-creating their “moment in history.” It reminds me of the movie, ‘The Sandlot.’ A similar picture hangs on my wall. It’s of a bunch of little boys, aged 10 or so. The banner on the picture says, “Camp Wilson Mini-Bike Camp,” circa 1978. 

Last weekend, I witnessed as the same group of boys (excuse me, men) sat around a fire, 35 years later, acting pretty much like they were still 10.

How many of us are lucky enough to have the same core group of friends that we had at Mini-Bike/Girl Scout camp? Not many, I’m guessing!

Lucky you if you have your inner circle. If you have it – nurture it, always.

Is it too late for those of us who don’t?

(Now, where did I put that yearbook…)

The New Foreplay

Posted: 2662 days ago in Sex & Relationships

newforeplayMy husband really knows how to get my motor running.

When I hit the garage door opener yesterday, my jaw hit the floor. Just a few hours before the garage had been a train wreck, and now here it was, beautifully neat and tidy.

It gets better.

The kitchen was also clean. And I’m not talking just ‘dishes-away’ kind of clean, but counters-wiped, everything-away, even under-the-sink-was-organized kind of clean. Oh boy was that sexy. So sexy, I knew someone would be getting lucky that night.

Girls, I know that you know what I’m talking about! When relationships are hot and new, just a smoldering look is foreplay enough. Add a few years and life in the mix, and it’s not unusual to need a lot more, um, ‘attention to detail’ to get you in the mood.

Guys don’t seem to have this same issue. Foreplay for them is, well, breathing.  

I’m not sure that men are from Mars, but I do know that us women generally feel love differently. Women feel love when they are emotionally supported, and men feel love when they are getting laid. By ’emotionally supported’, I really mean that your partner understands that there is no way you can relax if you have a laundry list of things that need to be done. And by getting laid, I mean getting laid.

Let’s help each other out, okay? We’ll start with the guys, so make them read this!

If you want more sex, do the dishes. Doing housework without asking = more sex, so f*ck the flowers and candy routine. I mean, it’s Pavlovian, really. “Wow – I vacuumed after work and got laid. Maybe tomorrow I’ll do some laundry and see what that gets me!” It might just rhyme with bread. Or coral. Need I say more?

And girls, if you find your guys helping out, don’t you just want to rip their pants off? It’s not that we don’t want and enjoy sex; it’s the getting started part we sometimes need help with. I absolutely suggest letting them know that you appreciate their efforts, in a way they won’t forget. After all, everyone wins with a positive feedback cycle. Am I right?

I’m in no way trying to diminish the deep feelings of love and connection that committed relationships bring, but at the end of the day, life is busy and complicated and if there is an easy formula for everyone to be happier, why not go with it?

Foreplay away ladies and gentlemen!

The Relationship Tripod

Posted: 2665 days ago in Sex & Relationships

friendshipsI don’t envy people too often because it’s not good for the whole “balance of the universe” thing. But speaking of balance, I want to introduce you all to a philosophy of mine; ‘the relationship tripod’.

Relationships in life are like a tripod. You have your partner, kids, and friends. If you don’t have those other legs of the stool, friendships are even more important. It’s the reason I envied my husband for a long time; because he has maintained truly intimate relationships with people he’s known since kindergarten.

I myself, have moved around a lot, and don’t really have an inner circle of women who I’ve had a long history with. I’m sure many of you would agree that having that is important. Long-time friends are the ones that have a girl’s back no matter what – because they know you for who you are.

I’m talking about the “back door” friends who show up for coffee. Tight-knit friendships are like chosen family. With these relationships comes the ease of not having to put on your “best face.” So much in life is not easy; it’s just nice to know that if you need a proverbial “cup of sugar” that you never have to feel bad for asking.

I was so happy when I had my kids; I really bonded with a few moms. Those early days of parenthood are truly unifying. We were confidants. We traveled together. It was fun, and I was really enjoying the relationships. Unfortunately, those friendships suffered irreparably during my divorce. For a while, I mourned the loss of those women in my life more than I did my marriage. I missed my “daily peeps.”

I’ve reached a new balance point, and it started with a different outlook due to some advice I had received. That advice was that you need to intentionally make more effort to create a great friendship. So if you’re like me, trying to grow your circle of friends; put yourself out there, and don’t be afraid of rejection. The outcome is well worth the risk. I realized that friendships come and go, but this shouldn’t disdain someone from having friends. I am thankful to have a lot of wonderful women in my life again, but it took time to get here.

For the record: I in no way want to minimize the importance of those people who have truly, always been there for me. I am so thankful for those few, but they’re not always “geographically accessible.”

So, invest in your relationships, lean on them, and they will last a lifetime. I want to share a text I received from a good friend of mine after she came for a visit recently. “I love that we are so easy, thank you so much for feeding my soul exactly what it needed this weekend.”

I wish that for all of my dear readers – easy, soul fulfilling friendships.

Failure to Launch

Posted: 2669 days ago in Sex & Relationships

failuretolaunchPenises are funny things, aren’t they? 

One of our girls described it best years ago: “that flubby thing between daddy’s legs?” 

But what happens if it’s flubby when you want it to be chubby?

Too much alcohol or bad timing can interfere with the best of intentions. If, however, it’s an ongoing issue, you and your guy will need to determine if the root of the issue is psychological or emotional, in which case, specialized counseling is in order and can be very effective.

If your guy hasn’t ruled out a physical cause of ED, he needs to, as it can be an indicator in a whole host of serious health problems. Diabetes, vascular disease, prostate and kidney issues to name a few. Additionally, I’ve had more than a few avid bikers report that the constant pressure and vibration on their undercarriage has their ‘plumbing’ a little, shall we say, backed up.

SRMErectile dysfunction happens to most every guy at some point during their lives. According to a study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 1 in 4 men under the age of 40 seek treatment for the disorder. As men age, this number continues to increase, affecting a man’s erection frequency, intensity and longevity. Sure, they make medications for that, assuming he’s otherwise in great health. However, anything that improves overall circulation like exercise, a healthy diet and smoking cessation can be really helpful down there as well.

So, be a great partner and help your guy get to the cause of this issue with a smile on your face and love in your heart.

Then, get ready for liftoff!